I was happy to see this kind of section, as I have quite a few texts I would like to get some opinions on. I mostly do short stories, but I have a big project at hand now, but I'll leave that for later.
This is a short text I wrote for an assignement in 8th grade, very personal. Some words and sentences might sound a bit weird, as I translated it from Norwegian to English.
Note: As mentioned above, this was written in 8th grade, about 3 years ago. My writing skill is very different from then, and you may find me using simple words etc. Also, this was intended to portray a important day/happening in your life, and I had under 2 hours to write it, so I understand that the story is very (very) short and the progressing is fast, and you really won't get to know the persons very well. Please take this into account when reviewing it. All criticisim is of course appreciated.
Also, I've posted this at another board, under a different username, but rest assured, it is indeed me who has written this text. Don't hesitate asking anything if you are unsure about the story.
A cordial laughter breaks the silence. A laughter which belongs to that girl. Pretty, sky blue eyes. Blonde, glossy hair which lovingly caress pale, soft skin.The wind greets her as the swing is on its way up. Higher. Higher again. But still not high enough. "Higher!" she feverishly screams. Just one more push, and she can touch the beauitful, blue sky with her hands. But the push never comes. She drifts further and further away from the sky. The swing stops. She jumps off and turns around, reproachfully staring at him. "Why didn't you push me higher?" she sulks. Silence. "I became worried, you could have been hurt," he replies. She dosen't believe him. His eyes tell something else. They are not worried. Not scared. Her eyes study his. Exaltation. Lust. Forbidden thoughts. Thoughts of stealing the happiness in a little girl's sky blue eyes. Hidden behind an old man's gentle face, covered by the mask.
The door closed behind him. He found the key under some dusty books. Click. Now she could not escape. A sly, evil smile followed her up the stairs. The lust grew rapidly. His hands longed to touch her tiny legs. Caress her blonde, silky hair. Enjoy the sight of frightened, helpless eyes.
She sat peacefully in the sofa, waiting. Waiting for him, her best friend. A big figure appeared before her. She smiled happily at him. He walked against her, slowly, smirking impishly. Her smile vanished. She walked bacwards, suddenly pushed against the corner. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but something about him scared her. She shivered as she felt his heavy breath against her ear. His hands trembled in lust. Pulled her hair. Touched her face. Warily. Loving. Their eyes met. Frightened, helpless eyes. His hands, now more demanding, touched places they shouldn't. "Please," she sobbed. "Stop it!". But they igonored her. Ignored the begging. The sobbing. The crying. Ignored her body which shivered in fear. His hands, no longer lustful, started to hit her, angrily. Hard, really hard. Pain. Tears. Eyes that met. Frightened, helpless eyes.
Outside, tears pours continually from the sky. Tears of crying angels. Angels who cry over a stolen happiness in a little girl's sky blue eyes.
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